- Introduce and encourage taking a look at "Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success" written by Adam Grant.
- Share excerpts from Fathers Explain Why Moms are Valued More Than Dads by Aaron Gouveia.
- Challenge reflection, awareness, and insight for success in career and life pursuits.
In three out of every four couples, researchers found that partners overestimate their own contribution to significantly exceed 100 percent. Their identified discrepancy is defined as Responsibility Bias: Exaggerating our own contributions relative to others' inputs. In "Give and Take", Grant says this is a mistake to which takers are especially vulnerable, partially driven by a desire to see and present ourselves positively.
Also at work, according to Grant, is Information Discrepancy which is both more powerful and more flattering. We have more access to information about our contributions. We are aware of our total efforts and see only partially the work or contribution of another. "Even when people are well intentioned," writes LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman, "they tend to overvalue their own contributions and undervalue those of others."
For a recent Father's Day article, Aaron Gouveia took on the issue of the number of hours parents spend on weekly household and childcare tasks. Salary.com surveys men and women all year long allowing them to fill in the number of hours they spend on their 10 most time-consuming tasks. "Despite having the same jobs, we found a shocking trend that ruffled some feathers in the dad community."
Stay-at-home mothers said they spend an average of 94 hours a week working on the home front, with working mothers clocking in 58 hours a week. So how do dads compare? Our stay-at-home fathers reported 56 hours, with working dads spending a weekly total of 34 hours!
The million dollar question is why does such a discrepancy exist? Are moms inflating their numbers? Are dads really lazy? We asked a bunch of involved fathers and dad bloggers what they think of this time discrepancy and the reasons behind it.
"My wife and I had this discussion - who does more etc. I think women file many more tasks under 'parenting' than dads do. I also think a lot of moms love the martyr approach and kind of don't want to share the 'title' of best parent or who does more. My wife does both. I do both. We don't tally it up and compare. It is parenting, not mom vs, dad. If it needs doing, do it. I also think women feel they need to throw around the big number of hours, so they get respect. Like, wow she does it all. Men don't really care to brag about it. That's my opinion."- Michael Cusden, www.likeadad.net
"This would get me in trouble with my wife, but for us it comes down to different perspectives and priorities. In general I think I'm just a little more laid-back about such household chores; of course, she thinks I'm lazy about them. For example, she doesn't differentiate between clutter and mess. She thinks simple clutter IS mess. I think clutter (as opposed to filth) is easily fixable and will let it accumulate and then clean it at the end of the day, whereas when she sees it, it CONSUMES her and she has to get to it ASAP, every time. And she sees it EVERYWHERE. Whereas since I don't consider it a big deal, I'll just get to it later, all at once. So instead of doing it all in one fell swoop, she is constantly picking up every little thing. Again, it's something I might call time management and she would call me being a slob but in reality we work at different paces and see things differently." - Mike Julianelle, www.dadandburied.com/
Responsibility bias is a major source of failed collaborations, partnerships, and disagreement in marriages. Professional and personal relationships disintegrate when there is disagreement about receiving deserved credit and partners not contributing a fair share. Check out Give and Take for greater insight to whether your style is as taker, matcher, or giver seeking success in career and life.
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